


Building A Nest

by pikasafire



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:14:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4473653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikasafire/pseuds/pikasafire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claude wants a baby. He just doesn't want one with Danny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Building A Nest

**Author's Note:**

> This is the break-up-make-up fic I’ve been meaning to write for ages - Honestly, I started this three years ago. So take that into account. I’ve tried to update it to match the timelines, but there’s going to be inaccuracies. I almost never post chapter by chapter, but I think this one will work better this way because there are massive time-split between parts.

** PART ONE **

 

**DANNY**

“I think we should break up.” 

Danny knows what’s going to happen before Claude even opens his mouth, but the words ring in the silence anyway, leaving the two of them sitting awkwardly in Danny’s living room, the announcement stretching between them. 

"I'm sorry," Claude says and he looks it too, his eyes red and rimmed with black shadows. "I am." His hair’s a mess, like he's run his hand through it a couple dozen times. "It's just -- I want kids, Danny. You know that."

"I do." Danny's proud of how steady his voice is, even as his heart is racing, the feeling of his heart in his throat. "We have the boys. And we could adopt. Or get a surrogate --"

"Danny-"

He has to try, he _has_ to. "You're being stupid." Danny says, and there's a definite hitch in his voice this time, he can fix this, “Look. There are other ways around this."

"I know." Claude looks like he's about to cry, "I’ve thought about it. This is one of them. It's not that I don't love you, but." He shrugs, defeated. "This isn't going to work."

There's a dozen arguments sitting on the tip of his tongue, but Danny recognises the expression on Claude's face, knows that arguing right now isn't going to help. "I- Can we talk about this?" His voice cracks a little. "Later? When I've thought about it?"

"It's not going to change anything," Claude says. He's keeping his eyes fixed on the patterns on Danny's shirt. "But, I guess we can."

Danny knows he's only going got about five more minutes before Claude walks out the door and it's over. "Can I kiss you?" It's not really what he means to ask, and for a second, Claude looks like he's going to say no, but he nods, quick and silent.

The kiss is gentle and sweet; little more than a quiet meeting of lips and Danny can't stop himself from making one last attempt, whispering against Claude's mouth; "We can make this work. I promise."

Claude pulls back, keeping his eyes down, shoulders hunched in on himself. "I have to go." He says, "I have a thing to get to." He turns his head, can't quite stop himself from pressing a kiss against Danny's cheek. "I'm sorry."

And there's nothing else Danny can do but watch him go.

*

Danny spends days researching. They can adopt, Danny can retire at the end of the season; it was lingering in the back of his head anyway, he can stay home with the baby. Or, they can use a surrogate; it's not like they don't have the money, and it can be Claude's - Danny kind of likes the idea of a little ginger monster around the house. He emails the links to Claude, trying not to think too hard about it. About what Claude might say. 

His email dings less than half an hour later, _-Danny we talked about this. its not going to work-_.

It's a stupid idea and he knows it before he thinks too hard about what a bad idea it is, quickly typing a response. _-i can stay home. i'll retire. i want to do this with you claude. please?-_

Danny's phone rings a few minutes later.

"Danny-" Claude says, sounding tired. "I- It isn't a good idea."

"Why not?" There's a hundred different reasons he can supply on his own; he's too old, Claude's bored, he doesn't want a baby with someone who already has three almost grown sons. He pushes the poisonous little voice down, waits for Claude to speak. "You haven't even given me a reason."

A hesitation down the line that means that Danny's not going to like whatever it is Claude says next. "It's not really something I- This isn't something we should be talking about on the phone."

"You're avoiding me in person," Danny says, allowing some bite to creep into his voice. He hasn't seen Claude outside of practice and the last game at all, and even then, he's as far away from Danny as he can possibly be. "So, we'll just do it over the phone. Tell me."

Claude speaks quickly, like if he gets it all out at once, it's going to hurt less. "It's not really something I ever imagined doing, you know. With you." Hurriedly amending it, "I mean, with a guy. It's not-"

"If you say 'normal', I'm going to punch you in your fucking face." Danny snaps, feeling gutted and shaky. He swallows down the lump in his throat, "So this is something you knew-" His voice shakes and he's not sure if it's grief or anger, "You were always going to break up with me?"

Claude sounds hesitant, "Come on, Danny. It's not like that."

"It sounds like you knew you didn't want us to have kids." Danny gives up on any pretense of composure, "You _knew_ that it was a deal breaker. So, what was the hell were the last three years supposed to mean, Claude?"

"Jesus. Look, this isn't a conversation for the phone." Claude says, and Danny can tell he's uncomfortable, trying to be firm but sounding lost and small.

Danny's hands are shaking, feeling like he’s on an emotional roller-coaster and he's glad that the boys have been with Sylvie this week. Oh God, he's going to have to tell them. "No, we're talking about this." Danny snaps, "There's other reasons you're not telling me. It can't just be about me being a guy. I've raised three kids already, Claude, you can't pretend it's about that."

"That's it," Claude says, and there's anger in his voice now; Danny's backed him into a corner, spit-fire furious. "I don't want to be that gay athlete raising an adopted kid with his teammate, alright?" He's trying not to shout, whispering as loudly as he dares down the phone-line and Danny briefly wonders where he is, whether he's out at a dinner or hidden in his room at home.

And the problem, is, well. Danny can't really fault him for that, but it hurts that Claude's not willing to try. "We can-" He searches for an answer, the silence stretching between them. “We can keep it secret.” It’s an impossible defence and Danny know it.. 

"That won’t work. There's no way around that," Claude says, "I've thought about it, Danny. I didn't want to break up with you." He sounds exasperated, like Danny's the one being ridiculous.

"Because that really stopped you." The words are out before Danny can stop them, furiously angry. "You've never even _tried_ to fix it."

"I didn't think it was worth mentioning," Claude argues, "It's not like you can suddenly turn into a woman. If you could, I'd have asked you to ages ago!" The words ring in the sudden silence, hitting right where it hurts and the angry words forming on Danny's lips fall away, leaving him with the heavy feeling of being woefully inadequate. He knows Claude’s struggled with his sexuality, but it’s another thing to hear it phrased like that. Claude must realise he's said something unfair because he sighs, a huff of air down the phone line, "I'm sorry." He says, but he doesn't try and take it back, or cover up or backtrack and Danny desperately wants him to lie.

"Yeah." Danny says instead, when it's obvious that's all Claude has to say. "Okay." And he hangs up.

*

They don't talk and it's glaringly obvious to everyone else

The worst part is the boys, and Danny knows that Claude didn't mean to hurt _them_ , but he's not going to lie to them either. "Why did you and Claude break up?" Cameron asks, still young enough to be brave enough to ask, despite Danny's melancholy mood.

"Cameron!" Carson hisses, elbowing him, "Shut up!"

"Don't hit your brother, Carson." Danny says automatically. Cameron's still looking at him expectantly, wanting an answer, and Danny takes a breath. They have a right to know, they're not babies anymore and Claude was part of their lives too. "Claude wants kids." He says, trying to find a way to explain this properly. "And, I’m not a girl so I can't have them. So we broke up." It's the easiest, quickest explanation he can think of.

A pause as Cameron digests this information. "But." He looks confused. Lost. "Couldn't you adopt a baby? We saw this documentary at school and there are orphans all over the place, like in China and Romania. You and Claude could have one of them."

Carson doesn't wait for Cameron to get an answer. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He says, and Danny looks over in surprise at the angry tone, Carson's face flushed red, " _We're_ his kids." He looks upset, "That's why he left?" And Danny needs to fix this, salvage it somehow. "Because we're not good enough to be his kids?"

"Carson, no. That's not what he meant-" He tries, stepping forward to reassure him, give him a hug but it's too late. Carson's turned away, running off up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Danny winces a little as he hears the bedroom door slam. Fuck.

Cameron's still standing there, looking at him. "Is that true?" Cameron says, he looks like he's about to cry and Danny's heart aches for them. He should have said something else, lied to them, why the hell didn't he see this coming before he opened his mouth?

"No." Danny says gently, pulling Cameron in for a hug, "Claude loves you guys."

Cameron lets Danny hug him, still young enough that he'll stay still, clings a little if his brothers aren't around. "But he wants his own kids instead?"

“Not ‘instead’. He wants his own kids as well as you guys.” Danny doesn't really think that there's any other way to say it to make it soften, so he hugs Cameron a little closer, "But that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He didn't get to spend any time with you boys when you were babies. He wants a baby of his own." He lets go when Cameron squirms a little, done with being hugged, but Cam's looking less like he's about to cry, so that's something.

"But," Cameron starts. Danny steels himself. "Why didn't you guys just adopt?" He brightens a little, like it’s clearly something Danny and Claude haven’t considered and he's just solved all of their problems; Danny wishes it was that easy. "I'd like a brother or sister." Cameron thinks about it a little further, "I'd like a sister, please. Two brothers is enough."

Danny doesn't really know how to explain this to him, not when he doesn't really understand it himself, so he just shrugs, helplessly, taking the easy way out for now. "We'll see, Cam."

*

**CLAUDE**

It feels too quiet in his apartment.

Claude can hear Brayden talking on the phone to his girlfriend in the next room, the sound of the traffic outside, but there's no shouting over whose turn it is to play the Xbox, no one begging him for a grilled cheese sandwich after school. There's still skate gear lying over the house, but it's Brayden's, and somehow, it’s less annoying when the boys do it.

He stares down at his cell, like he can convince it to ring, resisting the urge to just call Danny and apologise. The thing is, he's not _wrong_ , and it makes him feel sick to think about what he's done, about how much he knows Danny's probably hurting right now, but better now than later, right? It's not like he wants kids immediately, but he's dragging out the inevitable breakup. It's selfish and stupid, but Claude's always imagined that he'd meet some nice girl, and have a few ginger haired babies, and everything would be just the way it's supposed to be; Danny was a surprise, the boys making him want that even more, but- he can't imagine that. He can't imagine having a baby with _Danny_. Not that Danny wouldn't be an excellent father, but --

He doesn't know. It's not what he wants. He wants simple and uncomplicated. A relationship with Danny, a public gay relationship where they're _adopting children together_. It's just- no. He can't do it. And if he wants kids within the next few years, then he needs to be as fair as possible; he's not going to string Danny on when he knows exactly how this is going to end.

But it doesn't really make it hurt any less.

It’s only been a week but he _misses_ him. He misses joking in practice, making Danny smile. He misses the boys and their noise. He misses being able to walk into Danny's house like he lives there (not that it's too far from the truth). 

Practice is awkward. Danny looks wan and unhappy, and Claude can't stand to look at him and know that it's his fault. He's doing the right thing. He knows he is. But that doesn't really make it any easier to see Danny miserable. "What the hell did you do to Danny?" Scotty asks, hip-checking him into the boards, "You guys have a fight?"

Claude takes a shot at the net; it's an awkward angle, and he's way off mark. "Fuck." He takes a breath. "We broke up." He says shortly, hoping Scotty will just leave it at that.

"What? _Why?_ "

Claude hates that he seems to be the only one to see that this is the only real thing that could happen; it's not like he and Danny were ever made out for the happily-ever-after ending. "None of your fucking business." Claude snaps.

Scotty just raises an eyebrow at him and stares at him expectantly; one of the few people who's never intimidated when Claude loses his temper. Claude ignores the look, pulling a wandering puck closer to him, remaining silent as he takes another shot that misses the net by a mile. "Jesus Christ." He mutters. It's like he's forgotten how to play hockey. Scott is _still_ staring. "Would you go and, I don't know, fucking _practice_?"

Sensing that he's not going to get anything out of Claude right this second, Scotty skates away, "It's not over, G!" He shouts, shooting a nearby puck gently at Claude's skates. What a dick. Claude sends it back, missing Scotty by about six feet. Fuck.

Scotty's not the only one to notice and by the end of that third practice after the breakup, four of the guys have asked him what the hell he did to Danny and he's only barely managing not to snap. Why are they assuming _Claude_ did something. Granted, in terms of fucking up, Claude's been the one to do it more often than not in the last few years, but it's not like Danny doesn't have his share of fight causing events. Anyone would think Claude's a shit boyfriend.

 _Ex-boyfriend_. 

It's hard to remember. 

*

“Alright.” Brayden says, “Spill.” They’ve barely made it through the front door of their apartment, and Brayden tosses his gear to the side, “What the fuck happened between you and Danny?” 

“Fuck off.” Claude snaps. He kicks Brayden’s gear as he pushes past, “And pick your shit up.” 

Brayden rolls his eyes, but tosses his gear back over his shoulder, “This isn’t over.” he shouts at Claude’s back. 

Claude slams his bedroom door shut as an answer. 

*

A few hours later, Claude’s stomach is rumbling and there’s a frustrating, tantalising smell coming from outside his bedroom.

“Claaaaaude,” Brayden sings, “I bought you pizzaaaaa.” A pause, and Claude knows it’s coming. “Just come out and give me the gossip, and I’ll give you one.” He laughs to himself, “Heh. Give you one. C’mon, come out.” 

There’s not really much of an option. Brayden’s irritating enough that Claude was always going to have to say something. He wrenches his bedroom door open, snatches the box out of Brayden’s hands, “Fine. Whatever.” At least this way he gets free pizza out of it. 

Brayden trails him into the lounge room, detouring for a moment to grab a few beers out of the fridge, cracking one open and passing it over. “Well.” He prompts ten minutes later when it’s obvious the tale isn’t automatically forthcoming. 

“Well what?” Claude mutters, taking another obnoxiously large bite of pizza. He’s not going to make this easy. 

Brayden’s not bothered. Must been all those years living with Luke. “You and Danny B broke up. What the fuck happened? You guys seemed pretty solid.” 

Claude sighs, chewing slowly. The problem is that he _knows_ he’s going to come off as the asshole in all of this. Of course he is. He always does. “We broke up. It happens.” He doesn’t even know why he’s bothering to try and delay the inevitable. Brayden’s hardly going to let him get away with that. 

He doesn’t. “Look,” he says, “As your housemate, it’s my responsibility to tell everyone else what’s happening because you _know_ they’re going to ask me.” He fixes Claude with a stare, “So, you can tell me the truth, or I’ll tell everyone that it’s because you really like being choked. Or you have, like, a humiliation kink, or-”

“Alright! Jesus.” Claude rolls his eyes, “Fucking hell, it’s not that goddamn interesting. I just-” He’s going to be mocked. Or have shreds torn off of him. “I want kids someday and, it sounds shit, but, I don’t want to be that gay guy who adopts babies with his teammate.” He picks restlessly at the pizza topping. “I just want a normal relationship, you know? A normal girl and have a freaking house and kids and whatever. I can’t have that with Danny. Alright? Is that what you wanted to fucking know?”

There’s nothing but silence for a moment. “Yeah.” Brayden says eventually, though he’s looking at Claude strangely. “I mean, I guess that makes sense. If you don’t want kids with him, then you don’t want kids with him.” 

“Thank you.” Claude says, flinging an arm up, exasperation in his voice, “He doesn’t understand.” He keeps his eyes fixed on his food, “It’s like he thinks I’m doing this to be an asshole.” 

“But-” Brayden takes a bite of pizza, chews slowly. “If you knew that, why date Danny at all then?” 

Oh for God’s sake. “I didn’t go into this thinking it would be great fun to fucking break his heart.” Claude snaps, “I’m not some psycho. I just-” He’s embarrassed to admit it. “I just didn’t think about it.” He takes a bite of pizza, shoulders hunched defensively around his ears. “You don’t go into every relationship thinking about marriage or kids or whatever. I just didn’t consider it as something worth thinking about until now.” 

“I guess not.” Brayden still doesn’t look entirely convinced. “But, I mean, you don’t want kids _now_ do you?” 

“Fuck no.” He thinks for a moment. “Well not, like, _now_ now, but sometime in the next few years, sure.” He tosses the crusts of his pizza back in the box. Normally, Danny would eat them, and the thought makes him shove the lid back on and push the box away with his feet. “So, maybe it’s time for me to find a girlfriend and settle down, y’know?” 

Brayden gives a nod, shrugging a shoulder, “Yeah. I guess that’s fair.” He eyes Claude’s half full box, “You gotta eat the rest of that?” 

Claude sighs, kicks the box over to him, “Here, you big pig.” He doesn’t think he wants to watch this. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. ‘Whatever. We done now? Curiosity satisfied?”

“Sure.” Brayden says around a mouthful of stolen pizza. He waves a vague hand in Claude’s direction. “You can go… mope now, or whatever.”

“I don’t mope.” Claude mutters, even as he slinks off his room to do exactly that. “Fucker.”

*

**DANNY**

"So. What did G do?" Scotty asks after practice. He at least waits until Claude's left; small mercies.

"Can we not talk about it?"' Danny mutters, talking to his skates more than to Scotty, but he's tired and upset and he kind of _does_ want to talk about it. Is he being irrational? Maybe Claude has good reason to break up with him. He relents before Scotty can say a word. "Not here, anyway."

Scotty tries not to look too victorious and fails completely. "Beer, then." He says, "It's five o'clock somewhere in the world." He waits impatiently as Danny changes, herds him out of the rink and drives them to a shitty bar on the outskirts of town that everyone hates, but Scotty loves for some bizarre reason.

"Alright." Scotty says, pushing a beer in front of Danny and sitting across from him expectantly, "Tell me how G fucked up."

Danny's not sure when his love life became the talk of the team, but he wishes now that he'd chosen to date someone who, say, _wasn't_ the team captain. "Shouldn't you be asking Claude that?" It's hard to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"Brayden's getting that side of the story." Scotty says, unrepentant, and Danny shouldn't be surprised, sighs heavily.

"It's not that interesting." He warns, "It's not like he asked for some weird fetish or anything." He's hoping it'll dissuade him; no one likes listening to domestic bullshit.

Scotty just shrugs. "You look fuckin' miserable, man. Something happened. I need to know whose ass to kick. My money's on G."

Danny want this to be over with so takes a fortifying gulp of his drink and keeps his eyes focused on the table. "We broke up." 

"I know that." Scotty says, "I managed to get that much out of Claude. Why?"

"Because I don't have a vagina?" Danny says, there's more force behind it than he expects as the words come out of his mouth and it occurs to him that, yeah, he's still really fucking angry.

Scotty's not deterred. "Well, you would have thought he'd figured that out in the last three years of you guys being together."

"Yeah." Danny says sullenly. "You would." He drinks some more, if just for something to do with his hands, and he eyes his glass. Maybe he should just get really, really drunk. He doesn't have the boys at the moment, and maybe it'll help.

Scotty seems to realise that he's not going to get anywhere without serious prompting. "Okay. So, what's his deal? Why is this a problem now?"

Danny doesn't know why he's so reluctant to tell; Claude's the one at fault here, and he's sick of pretending that it's okay. "He wants kids."

"He's got kids. You guys have the boys."

He laughs, sharp and without humour, "Yeah, well. Apparently they’re not good enough." He knows it's not fair, but there's the memory of Carson's betrayed look still lodged in his brain and _nothing_ about this is fair.

Scotty's still talking. "And you guys could get a surrogate, or adopt or whatever. It's not that hard these days, and it's not like you don't have the money to get through the process quicker."

"No-" Danny holds his beer a little tighter, watching the condensation bead and slip down the outside of the glass. "I suggested that. That's - that's not his problem." It's hard to say, like he's admitting he's a gigantic fuck up, like maybe Scotty will agree with Claude and even knows he's being irrational, he has to force the words out. "He just doesn't want them with _me_."

A momentary pause, and Danny doesn't want to look at Scotty's face just in case he doesn't like what he sees.

"I- are you fucking serious?" Scotty demands, and his response makes Danny's heart lift a little, the confidence of having someone on his side. "He broke up with you because he, what? Doesn't think you'd be a good Dad? You've already raised three awesome boys, what the fuck?"

Danny smiles a little at that and holds the compliment close. He doesn't feel like a great dad right now, still dealing with the fall out of Claude leaving. It makes the next words easier to say, "He wants something more-" He hesitates, "traditional?" A shrugs, "He said that I wasn't what he imagined. I guess his life plan didn't involve being with a divorcee with three kids long term.” Danny shares a sad smile with Scotty, “He wants the white picket fence. Two point five kids. It's what we first imagined, isn't it? When we got married to Lisa and Sylvie?" He’s not really expecting an answer, wipes his finger through the condensation on the table, breaking the perfect rings his glass has left

“Yeah,” Scotty says sympathetically, “Sorry, man. I thought you actually had it this time.” 

Danny swallows down the lump in his throat, “I did too.”

*

Everything’s going to be fine. It’s really the only thing that Danny can tell himself, over and over. _It’ll be fine_ , he tells himself when Cam asks for the fifth time when Claude’s coming around next. _It’ll be fine_ he tells himself when Carson storms off to his room at the mention of Claude’s name. _It’ll be fine_ he says out loud when Cameron asks what Carson’s problem is. He puts his head in his hands. 

“Claude’s an asshole.” Caelan says as explanation. “And Carson’s mad about it.” 

“Caelan-” Danny starts, he doesn’t look up. It’s only been a few days, but he’s so fucking sick of pretending. 

“What? It’s true.” He keeps talking and Danny doesn’t know how to fix this, “Claude’s not coming back, Cam.”

Cameron just looks confused. “But why?” He looks over at Danny like he’s the one who’s betrayed him, “I thought you guys were just going to adopt a baby.” 

“Claude doesn’t want to adopt.” Danny says as gently as he can. “I’m sorry, Cam.” He wants to tack on _I tried_ to the end, or _I wanted it to work too_ , but he can’t put all of this blame on Claude. “Claude’s allowed to choose. He doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to.”

“He doesn’t want to come back? Ever?” 

“He’ll be around,” Danny says, and he hopes to God it’s true, “Just not as often, and we just won’t be together anymore. That’s all.” 

“It’s bullshit.” Caelan says, and Danny doesn’t even bother calling him out on his language this time. “We don’t need him, Cam.”

“We’ll be fine.” Danny repeats. “Don’t worry.”

*

Claude and Danny make it work somehow. There’s no joking around in practices anymore and they don’t hang out outside of team related stuff, but the tension is dissipating slowly, the guys are less likely to glance between them, wary of a fight or snide comments.

Danny can be a grown up about this. It’s not the first breakup he’s had, and, considering Sylvie, it’s not even the worst. It hurts more though; unexpected and fast and Danny still has to stop himself from reaching out some days, just tugging on a lock of Claude’s ridiculous hair, or wanting to lean in close when Claude’s nearby just to smell him.

It gets easier. 

“Danny?” Claude sounds uncertain, “Can I ask you something?”

Danny focuses on unwinding the tape from around his sock, doesn’t want to look at him. Sure.” 

“The boys-” Claude holds his phone out hesitantly, like he thinks Danny might refuse it, “What’s going on?” 

Danny sighs, reaches out to grab it. He types in the passcode automatically and it shouldn’t sting as much as it does that Claude hasn’t bothered changing his passcode from their jersey numbers. There’s a text from Carson and Danny scrolls up to see the exchange. It’s short, a message from Claude dated today _\- hey saw your team made finals. congrats :) -_ and then a reply underneath. _\- dont text me -_ Danny looks up, hands Claude’s phone back, “What about it?” It’s perhaps a little bitier than he intends.

“Are they mad at me?” And what a dumb fucking question that is. 

“What do you think?” Danny snaps. 

“I-” Claude looks genuinely bewildered, and instead of sympathy, Danny feels the familiar surge of anger he’s managed to keep quelled for the last few weeks. “What? I don’t understand.” 

“You left.” Danny says, voice clipped and short, “You left because you wanted kids. How do you think the boys took that?”

Confusion and then realisation and Danny’s vindictively pleased to see the gutted look on Claude’s face. “Shit,” He says, “I didn’t- what the fuck? I didn’t mean-” He breaks off, “They think I don’t love them?”

“They’re upset.” He focuses back on his socks, “Were you expecting me to lie to them?” He would have if he’d thought it through, but he’s still possessed by this hateful feeling of wanting Claude to feel as shit as he does right now. As shit as the boys feel. “Of course the boys were going to be upset. They considered you a parent and you left because you wanted other kids.” 

“That’s not what happened.” Claude snaps, “Did you tell them that?”

Danny sighs, heavy and exhausted. “No, Claude. They came up with that on their own.” He doesn’t even try to give it the sarcastic inflection it needs, “You told me we broke up because you want kids, but not with me.” It still hurts. “And that’s what I told the boys.” 

“Fucking hell.” Claude says, “I just- shit, Danny. I’m sorry.” 

He tries to keep his tone neutral. “For what?” He asks. He knows, he just wants to hear Claude say it.

“I never wanted the boys to-”

“Know the truth?” He interrupts. He’s so angry.

Claude flinches, “To think I don’t love them.” He says, and he looks upset, “Can I talk to them? Can I explain it?”

No. No fucking way. “How are you going to explain it, Claude? There’s no way you can phrase it to make it better. It is what it is, just leave it alone.” Danny strips his socks off, throws them harder than he really needs to, missing the washing pile by a long shot. He stand to collect them, meeting Claude’s eyes for the first time during this conversation, “Just. Leave us alone, alright?” 

“Yeah.” He looks shaken. “Alright.” 

 

**CLAUDE**

In the whole plan, he’d never really thought about what would happen with the boys. Really, he figured perhaps he wouldn’t be able to see them as often; he’d catch their major games and maybe even go around and have dinner with them like he used to before he and Danny ever got together. But they’d still text and Facebook and have video game nights. He broke up with Danny, he didn’t mean to break up with the boys. 

He’s so fucking _stupid_ and he’s furious because what the hell was Danny thinking, telling them that? It’s nothing less than the truth, but he wonders how Danny phrased it, whether he’d phrased in such a way that made them hate him. He knows it’s not true. Danny wouldn’t deliberately upset the boys but Carson’s rejection stings and he hates that he’s now responsible for upsetting a bunch of kids. 

-sorry- he sends to Carson, a sad emoji. -i still love u guys-. He didn’t get anything back, but he wasn’t really expecting it and he’s kicking himself for not trying to talk to the boys himself. Not that Claude’s entirely sure they’d understand. 

Fuck.

He’s still moping when Brayden gets home. 

“What’s your problem?” Brayden asks, tossing a bag of crisps at Claude’s head. “You and Danny have a fight?” 

“They boys hate me.” Claude says glumly. “They think I don’t love them.”

Brayden shrugs, kicking at Claude’s feet until he moves enough so Brayden can sit down on the couch as well, “Well, you just broke up with their Dad. You upset Danny, of course they’re gonna be mad at you.”

“No,” That’s probably part of it, to be true, but it’s not the part that bothers him. “Danny told them that we broke up because I wanted kids.”

Brayden raises an eyebrow, “And? That’s true, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah, _I know_.” Claude says, getting annoyed, “But now the boys think, I don’t know, like, I didn’t think they were good enough, that I’m _replacing_ them.”

A pause, as Brayden thinks. “Well, aren’t you? You want your own kids. Not Danny’s.”

“No!” That’s not what this is about at all. “I love the boys. I’ll _always_ love the boys.” Adding more glumly, “Danny doesn’t want me to see them now.” 

“Dick move.” Brayden observes, “But, y’know, they’re his kids. And if they’re upset-”

“Yeah, I fucking know.” Claude snaps, “I don’t need any more guilt, alright.” 

Brayden shrugs, unconcerned. “Alright. Can you change the channel to ESPN2, there’s a basketball game on.” And that is apparently the end of that.

*

Claude can’t stop thinking about it, second guessing and deliberating and it’s not like it fucking matters because even if Claude went crawling, Danny’s not going to take him back. Not with the boys as angry as they are. 

It’s fine, everything’s fine; he’s single and rich, it’s not like it’s going to be hard to find a girlfriend in this city. 

He goes out with Brayden and Zac, eligible bachelors hitting the bars and it’s been a long time since Claude’s gone out with the intent of getting laid and it was a rare occasion even when he did try. Girls, he realises, are fucking _everywhere_. 

“There always been this many girls in these bars?” 

Zac laughs at him, “It’s amazing what you see when you’re not making cow eyes at Danny,” There’s no malice in it, but it stings all the same. Claude forces a smile, shoves down the automatic response to tell Zac to go fuck himself. He doesn’t have to do that anymore. He needs to move on and picking up is the best way to do it. 

They order a shit ton of beer and Claude finds a tall, blonde girl with big blue eyes and a sexy smile that catches his eye. She’s as far away from Danny as he can get and she recognises him - being Captain of the Flyers has got to have some perks after all. Claude buys her a drink, flirts shamelessly and only feels a little bad when she slips her hand into his back pocket a few hours later and suggests going to her place. 

He’s allowed to do this now. He wants this. He chose this. 

She’s hot and willing and he’s not going to say no. The sex isn’t earth shattering; it’s _different_ and Claude has to remember how to do this with a woman, but he’s missed the smooth curves and soft warmth and the way they feel under his hands. With each encouraging moan she makes, it cements the decision in his mind. He’s done the right thing, he’s sure of it. 

 

**DANNY**

It’s not so much second thoughts as second chances and Danny’s not entirely sure he’s not insane for wanting to give Claude another chance. It’s just-- Danny’s never had this before, even with Sylvie. He loves Claude - it’s not so crazy to want to keep that, right? But with each passing day, it seems a possibility that’s further and further away. Danny’s not sure what else he was expecting. Claude to stop being a dick, perhaps. That he’d apologise and they’d work it out and everything would go back to normal. It’s odd to think that everything’s just over, just like that.

There’s lots of things Danny knows he’s good at, and letting go of something isn’t one of them, and so he swallows his pride, takes one last shot. He corners Claude after practice. “Can we talk?” 

Claude looks like he’d rather take a slapshot from Weber with no padding, but he shrugs, “I guess.” He says. He follows Danny into the trainer’s room and Danny doesn’t need to look behind him to know that Claude is walking like he’s heading to his death. The door closes, loud in the silence between them. “So?” Claude says. He sounds sullen, keeping his eyes down. “Are you going to yell at me?” 

“For what?” Danny frowns, “Why would I yell at you.”

Claude looks up, opens his mouth, then closes it. “Nothing.” He mutters. “What do you want?”

It hurts to have Claude shut him out so obviously, “Could you not?” Danny says, and it would be the prelude for an argument if it wasn’t for the way his voice breaks a little. “Can we-- just talk? Like we used to? I don’t want us to end like this. Not talking. Avoiding each other.” 

Claude sighs. “You want us to get back together.” 

Danny doesn’t want to deny it, “I love you. Of course I want to work things out if we can.” 

“I’ve thought about it.” Claude admits. His shoulders droop, his expression sad and defeated. “I don’t know why I’ve become the bad guy in all of this.” 

“Why can’t we try, Claude? We’ve barely even talked about it. You just made this decision all on your own.”

Claude sighs, "I don't know." He says. His forehead is furrowed, looking frustrated and confused and he shoves his hands in his pockets, "I just think it would be hard."

"Hard enough to not be worth it." Danny says flatly. It's hard to remain emotionless when the person you love is telling you it's too much work to be with you.

Claude just shrugs. "I didn't say that."

"I think the break-up said that." A silence hangs between them, "Claude--"

"Danny." Claude cuts him off, standing up straight. "I don't know what you want me to say." He stops, "No. I _do_ know what you want me to say, but I don't know what you want me to do about it."

"I want you to actually try-"

Claude steamrolls right over him, "And what? Adopt a baby? See what happens? That doesn't seem very fair to anyone."

"Breaking up with me over something this stupid doesn't seem very fair either."

Claude looks like he's about to lose his temper, "You know what, Danny? This actually isn't about you. This is about what I think is best. For me. And what _I_ want."

"And I don't get a say?"

"No." Claude snaps, "You don't." He takes a breath, visibly trying to calm down. "I don't know why you seem to think I don't care because I _do_. This isn't easy for me either."

"Look." Danny says, and he's resisting the urge to reach out and comfort, squeezing his hands into fists by his side; he's not _allowed_ to anymore. "I'm just trying to understand. You want a baby. You just don't want a baby with me?"

Claude scowls, "That's not what I meant." He looks like he wants to be anywhere but here, frustrated and angry. "I think you're an awesome Dad. I think that if we had a baby, you would be fantastic." He stops, visibly struggling to find the words, "But, I don't know if I'm ready to make a statement like that. Having a baby with you."

"Did you think we were temporary?"

"No!" It's loud in the hush of the bedroom and he lowers his voice. "Jesus. Would you stop making it seem like this is something I planned deliberately to make you miserable?" He toys with the hem on his shirt, tugging on the threads in a way Danny knows will ruin it, an old nervous habit he hasn't been able to get Claude to break. "I just. I always imagined getting married to some girl, having the whole-" He waves a hand to demonstrate his point. "You're not that. And that's okay, but I just- I didn't think this far ahead. I was just taking it as it came."

"Something doesn't have to be exactly what you expected to be perfect." Danny says softly, taking a risk and moving closer, "You know, I didn't exactly plan on falling in love with you either."

"That's not the point." It's tired, Claude's shoulders slumped and defeated. "It's one thing to be in a relationship with a guy. It's another thing to commit to something like a baby. Publically. They'll fucking eat us alive, Danny."

The pieces are slowly falling into place. "It's-" Danny thinks about it for a moment, "Would it bother you that much?" He asks softly. He's thought about it; of course he has, they had to have contingency plans in place for in case they were outed, but it's never really been a problem; either the press has been clueless, or they're so obvious, it's a non-story. But, adding a baby to the mix; yeah, there'd be press and questions. Things would change. Danny just didn't think that would matter - they'd have each other, and the press was always going to be an issue eventually.

"I'm the Captain of a team in Philadelphia, Danny. Don't act like you don't know what would happen." Claude says, "They'll eat us alive. And if you retire? I'll be responsible for that too. As well as trying to raise a baby in a non-fucking-traditional setting." His voice gets progressively louder, until he's almost shouting, his face flushed and furious. "They'd take away the captaincy, they'd turn me into a joke."

The media in Philly is tough, but, "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic," Danny asks and he speaks quickly, can see that Claude's ready to explode. "I mean, they'll be assholes, sure. But they're always assholes. Would it matter? I mean, is that really enough to stop you from being with me? Us having a baby?"

Claude deflates a little, "It'd just be easier, that's all."

"Easy things aren't always the best things." Danny says, and it might be a cliche, but it's also true. "I've never known you to quit something just because it's hard."

"I quit that stupid diet." Claude points out, contrary for the sake of it. He sighs, “I have enough hard things in my life, I just want something easy for once. I didn’t think us breaking up would mean losing you entirely.” He looks lost, sad. “Can’t we just be friends?” 

It stings more than anything else he’s said so far and Danny can feel Claude slip through his fingers, knows he’s holding a ghost. He hunches his shoulders, speaks quietly like Claude won’t notice the hitch in his voice, “If that’s what you want.” He says, and it shatters his heart to say it. “I won’t ask again.” 

Claude sounds just as wrecked as he does. “It is.” he says. “I’m sorry, Danny.” 

*

It’s the end. Actually the end. There’s nothing left, they’re out of track. 

The thing is, the world doesn’t stop turning just because your heart’s broken. Danny’s been through that before. 

He copes. 

He has the boys (who are still furious at Claude, although Cam is wavering.) He has hockey (even if he’s playing like shit.) He has Philadelphia. Those things won’t change. He and Claude aren’t friends, but they’re civil enough. They can talk in practice, they can play on the same line. Management isn’t exactly happy with them (they weren’t that happy when they got together either) but everything is fine. 

It’s _fine_.

Danny is fucking miserable and that’s fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, JUST BEFORE I AM LYNCHED, **there are two more parts to this!!!!!!!** I promise I won't leave Danny miserable!


End file.
